So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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