Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
