can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Moan for me like Helen Keller
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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