I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
