I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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