Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
