I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
