Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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