Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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