He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize