TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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