Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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