I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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