Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A+ Viking dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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