Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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