where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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