Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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