Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
