Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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