They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
