I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
