Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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