I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
