Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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