Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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