oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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