3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
