when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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