Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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