I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Floor bacon is actually really good
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
