I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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