i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
