Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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