I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
