don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
