so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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