Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
