Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
