A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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