She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
