My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
