I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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