I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
