so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
