OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
