Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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