I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
