Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
