Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
