To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
