i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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