First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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