Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
