I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
