i just wanna soil my oats bro
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
