just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
