Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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