I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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