just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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