didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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