I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
