I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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