I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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