pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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