now i know why i became what i already was.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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