you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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