Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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