wanna go halves on a baby?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
