I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
