Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
