I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
