I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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