He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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