Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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