You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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