Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
