i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
