there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
