I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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