Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
