He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
