I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
nutella sex= disaster
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
